Soda Bottles, Ankle Sprains & Pie (One Sixty-Two: Day 104)

Writer’s note: One Sixty-Two is a season-long series of blog posts connecting baseball’s major-league players to life’s universal themes. Just as there are 162 games in a season, so there will be 162 posts in this series. Let’s play some ball.

Day One Hundred-Four: Chris Coghlan, Florida Marlins

It was a beautiful beach day, but not for me. Not when you’ve got to accompany your wife to the urgent-care center.

Now I understand your instinct here: How in the world can I complain about losing a few hours in the sun when my wife is in need of medical attention? I get that. What you don’t know, however, is the reason for this visit. It has something to do with a bicycle and some empty 2-liter bottles. And it doesn’t get any better from there.

While escorting our kids to a wonderful session at Cape May’s nature center, Amy made a couple of interesting choices: One, she rode her bicycle while wearing Tevas; and two, she rode with a bag full of empty soda bottles. The nature center had asked parents to bring in the bottles for some sort of project, and Amy dutifully obliged. However, while crossing the street with the plastic bag on her handlebars, a bottle started to slip out. She reached for the bag, lost her balance, and caught her foot in the back wheel.

So that led us to a bloody foot, a hobbling wife, and an urgent-care center. After X-rays, the kind doctor explained that Amy’s bloody ankle was sprained, not broken, and a smiling nurse administered a tetanus shot to cover the cuts from Amy’s metal spokes.

I’m grateful that my wife is fine, of course. But as you might have figured out, I’m a bit annoyed by the reason for the injury. In this way, I’m not unlike Florida Marlins manager Edwin Rodriguez, who lost one of his key players last week in an equally bizarre injury. Left fielder Chris Coghlan, who was last season’s National League Rookie of the Year, was celebrating teammate Wes Helms’s game-winning hit on July 25 by giving Helms a pie to the face. While carrying out this increasingly popular baseball ritual, Coghlan managed to tear the meniscus in his left knee. He’s hoping to play again this year, but surgery will be required even if he can play again this summer.

Coghlan is by no means the first baseball player to sustain a strange injury, as there have been a couple of doozies this year alone. Los Angeles Angels first baseman Kendry Morales was lost for the season after breaking his leg while jumping on home plate after a game-winning home run. San Diego Padres pitcher Mat Latos landed on the disabled list after straining an oblique while sneezing.

Clint Barmes knows all about this kind of thing. As a utility infielder for the Colorado Rockies, Barmes has managed to play a key supporting role in the Rockies’ success over the past several years. But in the spring of 2005, Barmes was putting up numbers that exceed anything he’s done since. Some were wondering if he was the next great hitter to come out of Colorado. And then, one spring day, Barmes fell while carrying a package of deer meat he’d received from a teammate. The result: a broken collarbone. After recovering, Barmes returned to the Rockies, but his breakout season was interrupted forever. While carefully handling meat of all kinds these past five years, Barmes has remained a key contributor in Denver.

So this is a man who knows that pies in the face can lead to knee injuries, and that soda bottles can lead to ankle sprains. And if Barmes knew Amy’s husband, he'd remind the man that despite his occasionally cute way with words, the husband has surely experienced an embarrassing injury of some sort; we all do. And he’d be correct. I should know as well as anyone what these kinds of injuries are all about. There was, after all, the finger spliced open with a pocket knife while trying to scrape bark off a tree. There was the hand cut open while trying to catch a glass I’d knocked off a counter. There was the face full of dirt collected after tripping over first base in an attempt to leg out a single (I was out, of course). We can go on - for a disturbingly long time, I might add.

So Amy, I hope you’ll ride safely next time. Maybe you can even try a helmet when you’re on the bike. But I will do whatever chores you need while you recover. And I’ll stop complaining about the lost sun rays. Because I’ve been there and done that, far more often than you have. We all, at some point, get a pie in the face.