Cereal Swinger (One Sixty-Two: Day 109)

Writer’s note: One Sixty-Two is a season-long series of blog posts connecting baseball’s major-league players to life’s universal themes. Just as there are 162 games in a season, so there will be 162 posts in this series. Let’s play some ball.

Day One Hundred-Nine: Coco Crisp, Oakland Athletics

So the government is putting some pressure on the food and advertising industries to stop advertising high-sugar and high-fat foods as healthy choices to American children. It’s an interesting dilemma, as very few of us want to see free speech stifled. Yet, on the other hand, it’s kind of hard to say just how much benefit a bowl of Froot Loops provides to the healthy growth of a child.

As I read with interest a recent New York Times article on this subject, I agreed with those who believe that an ideal solution would be one in which food companies police themselves, and agree to promote Cheerios instead of Lucky Charms. In a nation teeming with childhood obesity, it would be nice to see a collective movement toward healthier options. This, of course, will not happen without someone giving the companies a little push. Hence, the government muscle.

Which brings us, of course, to Coco Crisp. If we’re going to clean up our childhood cereal choices, we’ve got to start with the baseball player who sports a cereal-box name. Crisp, the veteran center fielder now with the Oakland Athletics, has been full of snap, crackle and pop lately. He’s hitting over .300 these past two weeks, and has reached base nearly 40 percent of the time. Coco has been smacking honey bunches of hits this month, and has even stolen a half-dozen frosted bases. His A’s, in the meantime, have crept up to second place in the American League West.

But when Coco comes to bat, or when his face appears on the video screen at stadiums across America, isn’t his name yet another threat to childhood obesity? I can’t help but think of a bowl of sugar cereal when I hear his name, and that’s not good. So in the name of 21st-century health consciousness, I would like to propose a new nickname for this man of centerfield speed and alliteration.

How about Oat-Bran Crisp? Or Mini-Wheat Crisp? Maybe even Grape-Nut Crisp? The lines are open, and we’re taking your suggestions. As for the baseball team in Oakland, they’ll take the man whether you’re calling him Coco or Kashi. It’s the results that matter, and right now Crisp’s bowl is full.