Dangerous Rhymes (One Sixty-Two: Day 57)

Writer’s note: One Sixty-Two is a season-long series of blog posts connecting baseball’s major-league players to life’s universal themes. Just as there are 162 games in a season, so there will be 162 posts in this series. Let’s play some ball.

Day Fifty-Seven: Adam Dunn, Washington Nationals

It’s always a bit dangerous when you start rhyming with a 5-year-old around.

It started as an innocent attempt at finding words that rhyme with “team.” As we watched an episode of Wonder Pets! and heard the superhero-animal characters singing about teamwork, the girls and I got our rhyming juices flowing. Katie, who is 8, jumped right into the action. Stream. Beam. Cream. Seam.

As the girls went up to bed, Katie whipped out the rhyming dictionary. From her top bunk she called out, “Give me words that have ‘its’ in it.” And that’s where the problems began.

I gave her pits and fits. Chelsea, who’s 5, was listening closely. And now she was ready to contribute.

“Tits!” she shouted, lying on her pillow and grinning.

I looked down at her, a bemused smirk on my face. “What does that word mean, Chelsea?” I asked her.

“It’s ‘tits,’ ” she said, “like in Tootsie Rolls.”

“Oh, I see,” I said.

Knowing I’d share this with my wife later, I figured it was time to nod and move along. “Katie,” I said, “there’s hits. And mitts.”

Chelsea again: “And tits!” she declared, giggling into her blanket.

I’m not sure what this little girl was thinking, but we weren’t going to hang around that neck of the rhyming world any longer – because, as you know, it can get worse with that particular rhyme pattern. As Katie read to herself, Chelsea and I rhymed some animal names together. Then it was off to sleep for little Chelsea and her glorious innocence.

The Washington Nationals, Chelsea, have a first baseman named Adam Dunn. When it comes to batting, Dunn is the one who can hit a home run. In the afternoon, Dunn thinks it’s fun to run in the sun. When he hits a ball, he hits it a ton.

Sometimes, though, Dunn’s hitting gives the pitchers fits. He hits and he hits, and his balls elude the mitts. Those pitchers feel like they’re the pits.

And we’re going to stop right there, Sweetie, before you get any ideas. Good night. Sleep tight.