Showing My Face

I broke down. Finally. I had tried to convince myself that I didn’t need it, didn’t want it, could quite easily live without it.

But I did it.

I joined Facebook.

As a 38-year-old, I can certainly conceive of a life without on-line social networking. I’ve never been a part of such a thing, so I’ve kept in touch with friends, or fallen out of touch with friends, the way most of us have for years – by either picking up the phone, writing a letter, or failing to do either. I’ve made plans with friends, gotten together with them in person, and felt the comforting reassurance of knowing there are people in this world who care about me.

I’m not a neophyte when it comes to the computer; I work with one all the time, as a teacher and writer. So I know all about Facebook. My wife is on it, and she sent me an invite months ago. I left it sitting in my inbox, while I peered over Amy’s shoulder and watched her read her wall postings and friend requests. I also read Vanessa Grigoriadis’ excellent New York magazine feature story from a few weeks ago, titled “Do You Own Facebook? Or Does Facebook Own You?” I read news stories about the terms of service, and I talked with people who were on it, asking them about the pros and cons.

More than anything else, though, I thought about Katie. This is my oldest, the 7-year-old whose childhood development involves seeing, observing and questioning most everything her parents do. I thought about that Saturday morning a few months ago, when she had trouble prying me away from checking out my fantasy baseball team. “Daddy, why are you always on the computer?” she whined. “If you don’t stop doing that, someday I’m going to be doing the same.”

That line got me away from the computer screen in a hurry. Perceptive, to say the least. And it makes you think: If I’ve got my writing to do, and my lesson plans, and checking my e-mail, and (yes, I know) checking my fantasy baseball, how in the world is there time for Facebook? How can I possibly fit this in without bringing Katie’s prophecy to fruition?

It’s a legitimate question, and I don’t have a clear solution to it. But Katie has always been a good listener, so I suppose I’ll handle the Facebook issue the same way I’ve handled everything with her: by talking it over. I’ll tell her that there are people out there in this world with whom I have fallen out of touch, and that this Web site provides a place to see how they’re doing, and get back in touch. When you’re 38 years old, you’ve fallen out of touch with more friends than you’ve kept. So what a gift it is to have a place where you can make an instant connection with someone you care about, yet don’t see much anymore. Maybe, at its best, Facebook can even help me make plans to see those friends once again.

I think Katie will understand this. She’ll even tolerate it, and ask to see my Profile. We’ll look at it together, and I’ll tell her stories about the friends I have there.

As for the fantasy baseball, well, you know, that’s a different story. She’s got a point there.