When my daughters heard that I had changed my ringtone to
the opening bars of a-ha’s song “Take on Me,” they didn’t look at me
quizzically, nor did they groan or shake their heads. They just nodded, and the
older one sang along.
I am a child of the ‘80s, and there is nothing that can
change that. The fact that I chose a 1985 pop song by a Norwegian trio for my
cell phone is not something I’m actively choosing – it’s more a part of the
fabric of who I am. From parachute pants to Cosby Show re-runs to Back to the Future films, I am forever
attached to the decade of my coming of age.
My girls know this, and they live with it. They know that I don’t
love every movie, song or TV show from the ‘80s, but they know that I like more movies and songs and pop culture
tidbits from that decade than I do any other. It’s as much a part of me as my
affection for the Yankees, New York City or pizza; I grew up with it, and it helped
define me.
When it comes to the business of parenting, I have learned
that it’s best to use what you’ve got in your arsenal of experience, as you
never know what your kids are going to present to you each day. I’ve got a
treasure trove of 1980s pop-culture nonsense swimming around in my head, so I
figure it’s best to use the stuff as best I can when raising my daughters.
So, without further adieu, I present to you my own top-10
list of advice from parent to child, straight out of the 1980s. Enjoy.
1.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and
look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” - Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Girls, there will be so many days in your
life when you’re tempted to check off the items on your to-do list. But true
joy and fulfillment comes with living in the moment. At the end of your days,
you will savor those memories far more than you will the countless errands and
chores you’ve completed. I’m not saying you should cut school, as Matthew
Broderick’s Ferris does in the 1986 film. But look out for all the ways you can
savor the world around you.
2.
“I wanna be the one to walk in the sun.” – Cyndi
Lauper, Girls Just Want to Have Fun. The
clouds are always out there somewhere, and you can always feel as though your
days have been marred by challenges beyond your control. But if you’re actively
seeking joy, you can find a way to bring the sun into your life, no matter what’s
going on around you. It’s not easy, but if you want it badly enough, happiness
is always within reach.
3.
“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
– Back to the Future. When
Christopher Lloyd uttered these infamous lines at the end of this classic film,
the tires of his car folded up and the car soared in the air, into the 21st
century. Nearly 30 years later, there are no flying cars yet in our world. But
there are pocket-sized computers, cloned animals and electronic cars. There may
always be roads in your life, but be ready for the changes, because they are
most definitely going to keep coming.
4.
“Every breath you take / Every move you make /
Every bond you break / Every step you take / I’ll be watching you.” – The Police,
Every Breath You Take. While we’re on
the subject of technological advances, let’s talk about social media for a
second. Every year, more and more venues open up for people to share their
lives with others on the Internet. Choose wisely when stepping into this fray;
know that when you share something, it’s out there for people to see forever.
Guard your privacy carefully, posting and tweeting within your comfort zone.
5.
“If you wanna make the world a better place,
take a look at yourself and then make a change.” – Michael Jackson, Man in the Mirror. Always give of
yourself, and help those in need. There is no other way to live this life than
to care for those around you. This ranges from thinking about how you can help
large-scale issues such as the environment and economic disparities, to how you
can help individuals, such as the elderly neighbor across the street or the
classmate struggling with an illness. Keep your eyes open, and be ready for the
ways in which you can make a change.
6.
“Get on your feet / Get up and make it happen.” –
Gloria Estefan, Get on Your Feet. Whatever
you do in life, make sure you don’t become a couch potato. There are just too
many awesome things worth doing out there, and not enough time to do them. Don’t
spend your days sitting in front of the TV, or the tablet, or the smart phone,
or whatever device is around you. To truly live, you must get up and get
outside. That will never change.
7.
“We’ve gotta hold on to what we’ve got.” – Bon Jovi,
Livin’ on a Prayer. There will be
times in your life when you feel the tug of your career, social adventures, or
financial opportunities. Just remember that these things will ultimately pale
in comparison to the tug of your family and friends. The people who love you are
with you for the long haul, no matter what you accomplish at school, or in your
job. Hold them close to you, and don’t neglect them.
8.
“Now I think it’s time I led my life on my own /
I guess it’s just what I must do.” – Human League, Don’t You Want Me. There will come a time when you will tell me you’re
ready to move out of the house, and start your own life. I will try to talk you
out of this at first, but I promise you now that I will come around and support
you. Because I will know, deep down, that it’s time for you to take your own,
independent steps forward. As a parent, it will be so difficult to let go,
after raising you for so long. But I promise, I will let go.
9.
“I’ll be right here.” – E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial. When you grow older, there will be
days, weeks and perhaps even months when we’ll be apart. But whenever you think
of me, I will be with you. And you can rest assured that you will always be at
the center of my thoughts. That’s the beauty of good parenting – we set an
example for you, and then hope that you’ll follow our lead for the rest of your
days. In that way, we are always there for you. Saying goodbye will never be
easy, just as it was hard for E.T. and Elliott. But true love transcends any
separation.
10. “But
I’ll be stumbling away / Slowly learning that life is OK.” – a-ha, Take on Me. So we finish where we begin,
with the cell phone ringing and the one-hit wonders from Scandinavia singing. I
leave you with their advice – that no matter how hard life seems at times, your
struggles will not last forever. This too
shall pass, folks often say, and they’re right. Whenever it seems that life
has handed you another hurdle, and you find yourself stumbling, remember that
things will ultimately resolve themselves. It may take awhile, but things will work
out in ways you never could have imagined. Just take a deep breath, and keep
moving forward. It will, in the end, be OK.
It’s often said that the 1980s
were a shallow decade. I beg to differ – if you look hard enough, you can find
a lot of golden nuggets out there among the seemingly trivial pop culture of
the decade. Wisdom can be found in all kinds of places. Sometimes, it’s even enough
to raise a child on.
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