She's a Maniac (One Sixty-Two: Day 149)

Writer’s note: One Sixty-Two is a season-long series of blog posts connecting baseball’s major-league players to life’s universal themes. Just as there are 162 games in a season, so there will be 162 posts in this series. Let’s play some ball.

Day One Hundred Forty-Nine: Nyjer Morgan, Washington Nationals

You know it’s going to be a rough weekend when your 5-year-old begins her Saturday by telling her older sister, “Katie, let’s be maniacs today.”

Now what kid wouldn’t say yes to an invitation like that? So, after a few hours of wrestling, kicking, punching and manhandling their dog, the two girls have finally settled down to play school. By then, Dad is exhausted. The maniacs have won.

I’d never heard Chelsea utter the word “maniac” before, so it stuck in my mind throughout the day. Which, for a man who came of age in the ‘80s, is not a good thing. After a few hours, that Michael Sembello song “Maniac” from the Flashdance soundtrack crept into my head. And once it arrived there, it wasn’t leaving anytime soon.

So here I was, on a wire between will and what will be, trying to parent two self-proclaimed maniacs. In a small way, it at least helped that Chelsea had announced that this was coming. I wonder whether Nyjer Morgan had similar thoughts a few weeks ago, when he found himself in the midst of two very controversial baseball plays inside of a week. In one game, the Nationals centerfielder was accused of throwing a baseball at a fan in the stands. In the other, he charged the mound after a pitcher threw at him. Earlier in that game, he had broken an unofficial rule by stealing two bases with his team behind by 11 runs.

The total suspension for Morgan ended up being eight games, and he’s out until next weekend. He’ll have time to reflect, and I’m sure it will do him good. When he returns, I hope he’s singing a different tune. Preferably not one by Michael Sembello. As for me, I’m going to beat the girls to the punch tomorrow morning.

“Hey girls,” I’ll ask, “why don’t you be giraffes today?” Now that would give Dad a quiet Sunday.

Tasty Like Swedish Fish (One Sixty-Two: Day 32)

Writer’s note: One Sixty-Two is a season-long series of blog posts connecting baseball’s major-league players to life’s universal themes. Just as there are 162 games in a season, so there will be 162 posts in this series. Let’s play some ball.

Day Thirty-Two: Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles

Katie was daring tonight: She ordered the Swedish Fish-flavored ice at Rita’s Ices. The Rita’s store in the town where I work had offered to donate a portion of tonight’s proceeds to my school’s community service club. So we knew we’d be eating ice tonight, and talking with folks from around town about our great club. What we didn’t know was that we’d be trying some candy-flavored Italian ice.

And, wouldn’t you know it, the red ice tasted just like the deeply sugary, strawberry-flavored candy that bends like rubber and looks like a fish. After sampling Katie’s, I couldn’t help myself – I decided that just for tonight, I too would experience the ice-cold taste of Swedish Fish. By the time I had finished, I felt satisfied but ready for some peach or mango ice next time. It reminded me of the time my brother and I saw corn ice cream in a dessert shop in Manhattan. Indeed, it was yellow and tasted like corn. And really, what sugary item does not have corn in it? But the sample was enough.

Some things are best experienced for one time only. For Orioles center fielder Adam Jones, Saturday’s inside-the-park home run in Washington was surely a real treat. But if Jones were given the choice of taking a slower jog around the bases next time, I’m sure he’d go for it. But as Washington Nationals centerfielder Nyjer Morgan dropped Jones’ fly ball Saturday, then inexplicably threw his glove in disgust, Jones had an opening, and he flew around those bases faster than any Swedish Fish could swim. He slid in safely, and claimed for himself something that is now a rare feat.

In days gone by, when stadiums were cavernous, inside-the-park homers were much more common. But today, with teams playing in little bandboxes, most home-run balls land well beyond the outfield fence. Every once in awhile, though, you get a little reminder of just how exciting this play can be.

But for the hitter/runner, it’s also a bit exhausting. Back in the dugout, Adam Jones surely needed some hydration. I would offer, but I think the Swedish Fish ice is best suited for the postgame meal.